Where to go if you think your child is struggling with their mental health – a Guide to free service

Help, I think my child needs to see a counsellor!

What do you do when your child is anxious? You might be frightened, confused and not feel equipped to deal with it. Where do you turn?

If you’re a parent to a child who is struggling, that is a stressful place to be. There is help out there, mental health services are under pressure, but knowing where to turn is the first step.

This blog aims to give you some direction if you are considering professional help for your child’s mood or behaviour, but you have no idea where to start.

A struggling child may look like refusing to go to school, hitting out and shouting. Or they could be withdrawn, and you can see the anxiety in the nailbiting and struggle to sleep. Every child is different, and they don’t all express themselves in the same ways. These struggles can impact the whole family, making you feel like you can’t go outside your own front door. You can’t imagine things staying the same, and you just want things to be okay. That’s normal.

Here are some ideas for free support and what to keep in mind if you decide to seek a counsellor for your child.

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In Schools

In Wales, where I live and work, the Welsh Assembly Government has a policy that means every secondary school in Wales has access to a schools-based counsellor. This starts at the age of 10 (Year 6) and so, some primary schools may also have some.

If you don’t already know the name of the Additional Learning Needs Co-ordinator (ALNCO or formerly SENCO) in your child’s school: go and introduce yourself and ask about the length of the waiting list and how to refer.

If you homeschool?

If you’re home-schooling then there should still be a wellbeing or emotional support service you can access in your county. Another avenue to go down is if your workplace provides an Employee Assistance Programme for your own mental health, as sometimes they can advise and, or fund counselling for children, too.

Online support

There are also lots of great resources available online, for those of you who know your child would rather ask you questions than meet a new person: ones with therapy training and confidentiality in place.

One such resource is the YoungMinds parent helpline, which also has a crisis text message service for young people: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-helpline-and-webchat/

Shout also provides 24-hour support: https://giveusashout.org/

Kooth is another online service, but this can only be used by certain age groups, in certain geographical areas: https://www.kooth.com/

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Referral

How do I get help?

For school-based and community counsellors: there is normally an overall body of professionals that can help you with a referral. This may mean, for example, that the school will complete a referral if you ask them, or they will give you the details of how to refer. In Newport, for example, you can refer to a school service online, but a family needs to fill out a SPACE referral for counselling and any further assessments.

Will I have to pay?

If you choose to use the counsellors the school or organisation offer: they will normally fund the service. This means you have less choice in who the counsellor will be and the type of therapy they offer; you could be waiting a long time as well. Priority is often given in primary schools to those who have had a recent significant incident and those in their final years of primary.

You can choose to pay privately to see a therapist sooner, more about that is detailed below in the ‘Finding a Therapist’ section.

Is it confidential?

Apart from any safeguarding concerns such as neglect, abuse or harm to the family, sessions will be kept confidential. Some families can find this hard, as often adults involved with children will share a lot about them, but I describe it like this. If you went to a counsellor and needed to share your deepest feelings with them, then your partner phoned up and said: I’m really worried about them, how would you feel if I shared your information without asking you? We have parent reviews at the start, midway through and end of sessions, and it’s really important that children know their therapist is someone who will respect their privacy and confidentiality.

If there is a safeguarding concern, depending on the risk factors, there may need to be communication with the police or social services. This is nothing to fear and would only be for the child’s wellbeing.

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Finding a Therapist

If your child needs support as soon as possible – and if in crisis, especially self-harming and suicidal. Please visit the GP first, and develop a safety plan: https://www.papyrus-uk.org/hopelineuk/ has a helpful example of this, and a support line you can call or email (if you don’t like speaking on the phone).

If you decide that supporting your child’s mental health is an investment you need to make, please consider the following things, and ask when you’re exploring therapists:

1. Is this a person I can relate to?

Your child will pick up on your feelings towards a therapist. This is why we train parents and carers in our Child-Parent Relationship Therapy programme, as you already have a relationship with your child.

2. Are they insured, DBS checked and on a professional register?

For Play Therapy, there are 2 registers – the British Association of Play Therapists and Play Therapy UK. Some also are registered with the British Association of Counselling and Therapy.

These registers are set up especially for the public to be able to access them and find ethical and professional therapists. So please don’t feel you can only access them if you are a therapist. As a profession, we would much rather you work with someone who is qualified to do so, than someone who believes they can support but maybe in over their head.

It is important to remember that if your child does need professional support, that does not make you a bad parent. It makes you a parent who is willing to show their child they matter, how to seek support in the future, and one who provides hope that feelings are valid but don’t have to stay the same if a child doesn’t want them to. I hope that by reading this, you are more aware of what support is available to you and your family, and perhaps you feel a bit less alone.

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We will look at one of the common questions parents ask when their child starts counselling; ‘What else can we do to support?’

Many parents have waited so long to receive support that it can be hard for them to stop trying to do everything they can to make sure their child will be okay. We’ll consider 5 things together that have come up time and time again in my experience counselling children, and going to counselling myself as a trainee and then after qualification.

1. What should I say?

Wait for them to take the lead! When we contract with people in counselling, we let them know that the sessions will be confidential, safeguarding exceptions included of course. This means they have the choice in what they choose to say.

Why not try?

Finding an activity where you can be in the same space but not have to talk e.g. cinema, creating some art together or a long walk.

2. The post-therapy feelings.

Some therapy sessions can feel like you’ve run a marathon with no training or preparation. Linking into the previous point, if you can schedule a child’s session before a break in the school day, or towards the end of the day and into a longer drive or an activity that doesn’t require much brainpower afterwards, they will be grateful.

3. What if they do want to share with me?

Take your time and take stock – are you ready to receive emotions right now? It’s okay if you’re not – if your child likes to write, or draw, when you are ready, you could send them a letter or drawing to reciprocate.

Why not try?

Saying: “It sounds like you’re ready to share – I might not know what to say, but I promise I’ll listen and be here with you while you do”.

4. Help! They’re just getting worse!

Wait… one of the most common things that I tell families and schools is that therapy can be a bit like needing to break a fever- sometimes because the internal processes are so strong and being worked on, the external behaviour may appear worse.

Why not try?

There will be growth, and if they can’t see it, maybe you can. If you can’t see it, take a mental note – how were they acting and behaving before they started counselling?

5. It’s a marathon, and not a sprint

When you’re feeling rubbish, it’s hard to remember good times. Maybe your loved one needs to know that your life has had ups and downs, or maybe they just need you to hold space and hope for them until they can again. Take their lead, love them always and lean into the hard times together, knowing this is only a temporary stop in your journey through life.

Why not try?

Making a ‘scrapbook of smiles’ – jokes you have shared, memories you have made, times you have laughed so much you have cried. This can be something you add to together, or you can save it for a time you feel it is needed you add to together, or you can save it for a time you feel it is needed.

I’m Louise and, I am the of Hope Therapy Services. We aim for therapeutic services to be healthy for children, families and the workers delivering them and provide play therapy, training and support.

If you have a child who is struggling, know that you are not on your own.

If you know they wouldn’t trust anyone but you, why not look at our next intake of Child-Parent Relationship Therapy? Where you’ll meet other carers in a similar position, and you can learn to play therapy skills to use at home.

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You can find more information about our next programme intake on our Eventbrite page.

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